Released
No longer controlled, I feel like a wild fire... spreading, beaming, full of energy and life.
The days of shedding tears are long over, The puppeteers have fallen.
I am in control now, I am my own person.
I can breathe, I can think... I am fully alive.
I have finally settled into a place to call my own.
Jones Lake, Moncton New Brunswick...
Sure, the weather is colder... of course it would be, living near water ALWAYS makes the winters more unbearable, but inside my home, I am safe and warm, and loved.
That should be all that matters... to be loved,to feel safe,important,secure..
Every night I wrap my arms around my son,kiss his forehead and remind him he is loved, then I tuck him into sleep, say a silent prayer and remind myself of how wonderful life now is.
I sometimes still feel that if I close my eyes too long and drift into a sleep, that I will wake up and be back in Quesnel, back to feeling trapped in heartache and disapointment, self loathing.. homesick... like I don't belong.
I was surrounded by family, and still felt that I wasn't supposed to be there.
But here, back to my reality... I feel as though I never truly left.
My son is more cheerful, my friends have welcomed me with open arms, as if those 4 months I was away, were really years instead.
my ex fiance has decided to step up and be a father figure for my son, to play with him,teach him,guide him. And that our relationship with each other comes second, not first.
That true romance can wait, date nights are once a month and it's quite alright that way.
If we add that mystery and suspence, that rarity... it makes that one date a month more worth it... like we had to earn it, and we learn to apreciate each other's company that much more.
So, raising a family and growing a romantic relationship... it is possible. Anything is possible.
all in good time.
I've learned to kick the negativity out the door, or better yet... leave it in the Airport when I took that first flight, when I came home.
5 thousand miles away, my dark shadow sits alone.
and here.... at home, I have no shadow, only a warm glow of positive energy... no regrets, just the hope that each day will be wonderful.
The days of shedding tears are long over, The puppeteers have fallen.
I am in control now, I am my own person.
I can breathe, I can think... I am fully alive.
I have finally settled into a place to call my own.
Jones Lake, Moncton New Brunswick...
Sure, the weather is colder... of course it would be, living near water ALWAYS makes the winters more unbearable, but inside my home, I am safe and warm, and loved.
That should be all that matters... to be loved,to feel safe,important,secure..
Every night I wrap my arms around my son,kiss his forehead and remind him he is loved, then I tuck him into sleep, say a silent prayer and remind myself of how wonderful life now is.
I sometimes still feel that if I close my eyes too long and drift into a sleep, that I will wake up and be back in Quesnel, back to feeling trapped in heartache and disapointment, self loathing.. homesick... like I don't belong.
I was surrounded by family, and still felt that I wasn't supposed to be there.
But here, back to my reality... I feel as though I never truly left.
My son is more cheerful, my friends have welcomed me with open arms, as if those 4 months I was away, were really years instead.
my ex fiance has decided to step up and be a father figure for my son, to play with him,teach him,guide him. And that our relationship with each other comes second, not first.
That true romance can wait, date nights are once a month and it's quite alright that way.
If we add that mystery and suspence, that rarity... it makes that one date a month more worth it... like we had to earn it, and we learn to apreciate each other's company that much more.
So, raising a family and growing a romantic relationship... it is possible. Anything is possible.
all in good time.
I've learned to kick the negativity out the door, or better yet... leave it in the Airport when I took that first flight, when I came home.
5 thousand miles away, my dark shadow sits alone.
and here.... at home, I have no shadow, only a warm glow of positive energy... no regrets, just the hope that each day will be wonderful.
so beautiful....so glad quesnel hell is behind you forever...I had such true optimism when I sent you there, such hope...but the family turned out to be even more evil than I wanted to accept. I knew they were vicious to me and Mum but I sincerely hoped they would be loving to you and Joey. Once they no longer had me to try and poison they found a new whipping girl but no more...you are free once again and I am so proud of you. Yes, you faced hurdles and challenges but it was all for the happy end result. I look forward to the day I can share my England with you too. xoxo
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