Morning Rant?

I lay my head on the pillow...
the silky black blankets gently caressing me...
A cold night breeze touches my face, as I hear a train whistle somewhere out in the distance.
The stars are beaming, the moon is red.. it's a beautiful, peaceful night.
The loneliness soothes me to sleep.

I am fine being "alone", being solitary rather than part of a "set".
I've been known as one half of a relationship, a couple... rather than a single person. It's not that I've been in a relationship for ever, and it's not that I've been single forever either... But people seem to feel more inclined to get to know me when I'm involved with someone romantically.

Why?

Do I still have my blinders on ? Or is it perfectly acceptable for me to want to shake some sense into these people.

Perhaps I need to learn to be more open, more flamboyant towards people.
Maybe that's why things aren't moving forward for me right now... But that's okay! see, that's the one thing that NO ONE can control but me...
Is just how fast I want to make this process,  just how extreme I want to change myself.

I'm not talking about shaving my head into a Mohawk again or getting a bunch of piercings, changing the genre of stereotypical cliche I follow... no.
I'm changing in a much better, much more dramatic way than that.
I am going to start opening my bubbly blue eyes a lot more.
I'm go to go with my instincts.
I'm going to keep my guard up and just learn to slowly trust, slowly open up to others. Not everyone needs to know my past, or my current struggles (which we all have, so don't even TRY to judge).

See, the thing is that people have been trying to shape me the way THEY think I should be, just based on the fact that I have a child.
Sorry, but whoever asked " when are you going to finally get off social assistance?????!!!!!" on Ask.Fm deserves this laptop being thrown in their face. (ask.Fm is anonymous, much like the HonestyBox...  )

I can be on social assistance for another 15 years if I want to be, to be there for my child and support him through every step of his life.
But you know what? it's none of your bloody business.
However, I do have plans for myself financially, I have goals, and believe it or not ; I already have achievements that I've met.
But, it's no one else's business if I decide to go back to wedding co-ordinating, or if I decide to give modelling and honest shot, It's not anyone's business if I work at McDonald's or a call-center...

I decide on the path I want to take.
And you know what?? every little step I take forward, is a step further away from my past.

I'm not the girl I was 2 months ago back in that abusive relationship, and I'm not the girl I was a year ago either... heck! I'm not even the girl I was yesterday... because EVERY DAY I learn something new, take on a new experience, gain more, and therefor I become better than I was before.
I am growing, changing in the most amazing way.

And now... I realize I don't have room in my life for people who can't accept me as I am.
It's not like I'm going to be on assistance forever, or have my grade 12 but no diploma, It's not like I'm going to live in an apartment forever,  just like my son isn't going to be 3 forever.
People change, situations change, and so if people can't change with me, or at least accept that I'm SLOWLY getting to the point in my life that I want/need to be at : screw them.

Seriously, I'm not going to allow people in my life anymore who ask me things like " why don't you get a job?" or " why don't you join some single parent groups?" ... It's none of their business, it's mine.
Guidance in life is great, but unless you're family, Buddha or someone with a high position in the government : I don't wanna hear it.

I am gaining knowledge,courage,strength, and finally : A VOICE.

It's going to echo. It's going to shake every person who doubts me, right down to their core.