The living situation
There are so many odd things happening right now...
familiarity, you may call it. I say it's a learning experience, and that clearly I've not learned enough from my experience with my abusive ex.
I am STILL being taken advantage of financially, I am STILL being put down, being told I'm not good enough, being called names, yelled at.
This time... This time I can't just walk away or put my foot down and pack their bags for them.
This is my home and yet I feel like I have no control.
The person I cannot stand the most, is the one I've known my whole life.
The one who raised me.
And it would be disrespectful to state exactly who this is, or my relation to them... Some may even say it's disrespectful to post a blog about this in the first place, but see... I need some guidance here.
This is NOT normal, is it?
Is this a common thing?
I feel trapped in my own home, I feel like if I don't do the dishes when THEY expect me to, If I don't go for a walk when THEY feel like it, then I'm nothing.
I am told I am lazy, stubborn, arrogant, impatient, naive, irresponsible, immature and many, many other words that are potentially threatening my self-esteem.
you see, if this person actually contributed it would have been a different situation, however no amount of money would make me stay in this situation.
But the point is : my names are on all the bills, I'm the only supplier of food, rent and expenses other than cigarettes.
oh yay, a free babysitter and someone who helps with chores and cooking.
that is pretty great, to be honest.
But at what cost? to be told that I'm not good enough?
ALL THE TIME?!?!
I can't have visitors or even a goddamn phone call without this person practically screaming in my ear.
one of our arguments?
them : Deven, you should close the windows and just turn the fan on.
me : the smoke from the forest fires have died down, leave the window open.
them : yeah, so long as it doesn't involve you getting off your lazy ass, right?
is that completely necessary? I don't think so.
Same with this one :
them : I'm going to be gone all weekend so you better have the place cleaned!me : I actually DO get up off my ass you know.
them: yeah, for what? to yap on the phone or be on the computer?!
I see a pattern here, do you? every time! I have been accused of being lazy, neglecting my duties as a parent, gossiping and sharing too much personal information with people, ignoring this "person" because I'm busy on my cellphone ( which isn't even activated!)
I would kick them out, I really would.
But this person has NO income, no means to get a job, no means to even get social assistance, always an excuse to just go about their life being a housekeeper or babysitter for $20 a day.
That's no way to live, it really,really isn't.
What happens if I meet a lovely man who wants me to move in with him in 5 years down the road? (like I said : WHAT IF? )
Am I supposed ot just say " oh I can't unless this person lives with us" ? hah!
NO! not going to happen. no!
I think some of the tension in my previous (and abusive) relationship was caused by this person also living with us and interfering with a lot of things.
I'm not saying that the relationship would have turned out any better were my "roommate" to not be there, but it CERTAINLY did not help.
I wish I weren't so vulnerable, kind hearted or whatever you may call it...
But the thought of kicking this person out just... I can't do it.
so what now?
Therapy? we've taken therapy together and it's a load of rubbish. I commit, but the other person doesn't.
I don't know how to wiggle out of their steel tight grip on me.
Always, ALWAYS I have someone trying to control me.
Do I attract manipulative mooches??? what is it about me that makes these types of people just cling?
how do I get them to stay away?
at this point I am literally asking for advice rather than just ...blogging.
familiarity, you may call it. I say it's a learning experience, and that clearly I've not learned enough from my experience with my abusive ex.
I am STILL being taken advantage of financially, I am STILL being put down, being told I'm not good enough, being called names, yelled at.
This time... This time I can't just walk away or put my foot down and pack their bags for them.
This is my home and yet I feel like I have no control.
The person I cannot stand the most, is the one I've known my whole life.
The one who raised me.
And it would be disrespectful to state exactly who this is, or my relation to them... Some may even say it's disrespectful to post a blog about this in the first place, but see... I need some guidance here.
This is NOT normal, is it?
Is this a common thing?
I feel trapped in my own home, I feel like if I don't do the dishes when THEY expect me to, If I don't go for a walk when THEY feel like it, then I'm nothing.
I am told I am lazy, stubborn, arrogant, impatient, naive, irresponsible, immature and many, many other words that are potentially threatening my self-esteem.
you see, if this person actually contributed it would have been a different situation, however no amount of money would make me stay in this situation.
But the point is : my names are on all the bills, I'm the only supplier of food, rent and expenses other than cigarettes.
oh yay, a free babysitter and someone who helps with chores and cooking.
that is pretty great, to be honest.
But at what cost? to be told that I'm not good enough?
ALL THE TIME?!?!
I can't have visitors or even a goddamn phone call without this person practically screaming in my ear.
one of our arguments?
them : Deven, you should close the windows and just turn the fan on.
me : the smoke from the forest fires have died down, leave the window open.
them : yeah, so long as it doesn't involve you getting off your lazy ass, right?
is that completely necessary? I don't think so.
Same with this one :
them : I'm going to be gone all weekend so you better have the place cleaned!me : I actually DO get up off my ass you know.
them: yeah, for what? to yap on the phone or be on the computer?!
I see a pattern here, do you? every time! I have been accused of being lazy, neglecting my duties as a parent, gossiping and sharing too much personal information with people, ignoring this "person" because I'm busy on my cellphone ( which isn't even activated!)
I would kick them out, I really would.
But this person has NO income, no means to get a job, no means to even get social assistance, always an excuse to just go about their life being a housekeeper or babysitter for $20 a day.
That's no way to live, it really,really isn't.
What happens if I meet a lovely man who wants me to move in with him in 5 years down the road? (like I said : WHAT IF? )
Am I supposed ot just say " oh I can't unless this person lives with us" ? hah!
NO! not going to happen. no!
I think some of the tension in my previous (and abusive) relationship was caused by this person also living with us and interfering with a lot of things.
I'm not saying that the relationship would have turned out any better were my "roommate" to not be there, but it CERTAINLY did not help.
I wish I weren't so vulnerable, kind hearted or whatever you may call it...
But the thought of kicking this person out just... I can't do it.
so what now?
Therapy? we've taken therapy together and it's a load of rubbish. I commit, but the other person doesn't.
I don't know how to wiggle out of their steel tight grip on me.
Always, ALWAYS I have someone trying to control me.
Do I attract manipulative mooches??? what is it about me that makes these types of people just cling?
how do I get them to stay away?
at this point I am literally asking for advice rather than just ...blogging.
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