my best talent.
maybe this is what I'm good at...
after all, it's what I'm known for, my runaway heart.
That poor bastard could only anticipate what was about to happen, however he most likely never saw it coming. I am not relationship material, not right now and not any time soon.
It all started when I met someone by happy coincidence, whom I ended up having to spend a lot of time around. Let's just say that I started taking a liking to this other person, while I happened to be in a relationship. I decided to end the relationship just so that I could freely express my thoughts to this new guy without having the weight of a guilty conscience. It turned into something more than just "expressing my thoughts" ; it turned into a contract.
Now, this leaves me confused and uncertain as to where I stand right now, but it was an eye opener.
I've gained new experiences and I've learned some new things that I wouldn't know, had I been of stronger will.
I noticed something the other day when I did go out for a walk with my now ex boyfriend....
I am not attracted to him, nor do I think I ever really was. His personality blinded me from that at first.
I am not "shallow", I have standards, and I just seemed to think he could somehow fit them.
You can't make someone into the vision you have, you can't shape someone into the standards you have.
They either meet them, or they don't. People don't change or adjust for your standards.
I'm slowly realizing that.
I don't like his constant chapped lips, the poor shaving job he does around his mouth, his nose hairs that stick out, the fact that he picks his nose in front of me ( yeah, eww! ), his wrinkly peeling chapped hands, the warts and blisters on his knuckles, the loudness of his voice,the way he eats with his mouth open,the fact that his feet always smell like he hasn't showered or changed his socks in a week, his over confidence when telling stories.
And let me tell you this ; it is an extreme turn off when someone feels the need to make tall tales just to impress a lady or get laid, whatever their excuse is. I do not believe he shot a brown recluse spider with a dart and hit it dead center while it was crawling on his dart board. I do not believe he's ever been within 2 feet of a black widow, i do not believe he's ever had to use one of his swords from his sword collection on someone ( yes, he collects swords ), I do not believe he's ever actually won any fights. Ever.
If your life is boring, change it. If you feel that you need to lie to measure up to someone's standards then clearly you aren't meant to be with that person. Plain and simple.
A few of our mutual friends are very,very angry with me for splitting, but it's really nothing to do with them.
I think that may be one of the reasons I got into that relationship in the first place...
We were both alone and in need of some type of comfort which we temporarily found in each others company, but we were shoved together by our peers, he wanted to be with me and I was just happy that someone was actually looking my way for once.
I don't think I'm healed from my previous ( last May) relationship... at all.
I sometimes feel that I was so manipulated by "Alvin" that my mind is weaker, vulnerable.
That I need to take whatever opportunity comes knocking.
I know now, that isn't true.
I know now, that I have options, that a relationship is the last thing I need right now.
I think, I also am beginning to realize how much of a distraction I am to myself.
What can I say? it's my best talent.
Xoxo, The forever Runaway Heart <3
after all, it's what I'm known for, my runaway heart.
That poor bastard could only anticipate what was about to happen, however he most likely never saw it coming. I am not relationship material, not right now and not any time soon.
It all started when I met someone by happy coincidence, whom I ended up having to spend a lot of time around. Let's just say that I started taking a liking to this other person, while I happened to be in a relationship. I decided to end the relationship just so that I could freely express my thoughts to this new guy without having the weight of a guilty conscience. It turned into something more than just "expressing my thoughts" ; it turned into a contract.
Now, this leaves me confused and uncertain as to where I stand right now, but it was an eye opener.
I've gained new experiences and I've learned some new things that I wouldn't know, had I been of stronger will.
I noticed something the other day when I did go out for a walk with my now ex boyfriend....
I am not attracted to him, nor do I think I ever really was. His personality blinded me from that at first.
I am not "shallow", I have standards, and I just seemed to think he could somehow fit them.
You can't make someone into the vision you have, you can't shape someone into the standards you have.
They either meet them, or they don't. People don't change or adjust for your standards.
I'm slowly realizing that.
I don't like his constant chapped lips, the poor shaving job he does around his mouth, his nose hairs that stick out, the fact that he picks his nose in front of me ( yeah, eww! ), his wrinkly peeling chapped hands, the warts and blisters on his knuckles, the loudness of his voice,the way he eats with his mouth open,the fact that his feet always smell like he hasn't showered or changed his socks in a week, his over confidence when telling stories.
And let me tell you this ; it is an extreme turn off when someone feels the need to make tall tales just to impress a lady or get laid, whatever their excuse is. I do not believe he shot a brown recluse spider with a dart and hit it dead center while it was crawling on his dart board. I do not believe he's ever been within 2 feet of a black widow, i do not believe he's ever had to use one of his swords from his sword collection on someone ( yes, he collects swords ), I do not believe he's ever actually won any fights. Ever.
If your life is boring, change it. If you feel that you need to lie to measure up to someone's standards then clearly you aren't meant to be with that person. Plain and simple.
A few of our mutual friends are very,very angry with me for splitting, but it's really nothing to do with them.
I think that may be one of the reasons I got into that relationship in the first place...
We were both alone and in need of some type of comfort which we temporarily found in each others company, but we were shoved together by our peers, he wanted to be with me and I was just happy that someone was actually looking my way for once.
I don't think I'm healed from my previous ( last May) relationship... at all.
I sometimes feel that I was so manipulated by "Alvin" that my mind is weaker, vulnerable.
That I need to take whatever opportunity comes knocking.
I know now, that isn't true.
I know now, that I have options, that a relationship is the last thing I need right now.
I think, I also am beginning to realize how much of a distraction I am to myself.
What can I say? it's my best talent.
Xoxo, The forever Runaway Heart <3
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