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The Original Runaway Heart

lots of rambles and rantings, poetry and everything in between.

Some problems with the app

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July 31, 2015

Hey guys! So I'm trying my best to keep blogging via the Blogger app, but it won't let me publish anything!!! I'll try my best to be back on here asap xoxo-TORH

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I'm not okay

November 22, 2018

I don't remember the last time I ate properly. I haven't had a proper meal in days... and it's not that I don't have food at home, or the means to cook it.... I do, but I can't be bothered. It's not that I'm deliberately trying to starve myself again, I just don't have the energy to take care of myself anymore. I'm not okay. My hair is caked in grease, and while I've taken to having a lot of bubble baths lately, I just sit in the water, spacing out at the wall, not really properly caring for myself. I don't remember the last time I ran a brush through my hair, besides today when my son offered to brush my hair for me to try to help me feel beautiful again. I wake up each morning, stomach rumbling and chewing on itself, my body feels heavy, as if it too has given up. Everything aches. My shoulders feel as if they've been carying the weight of the world on them, my throat feels coarse and dry like sandpaper and it hurts to breathe. ...

Return to madness

June 14, 2016

" If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there." - Cheshire Cat I feel completely insane as of late. I feel unstable, unpredictable and volatile. Like a defective time-bomb, I could explode without warning. I'm slightly scared of myself because of this... and at the same time ; I also pity myself. The only way I can truly explain the isolation that I feel, is to pretend I'm superman. Sent to Earth as an infant, my entire species wiped out, no home to go back to... Pretending to be human, because I look like one but cannot fully mimic human behavior. I don't really belong here. That is the only way in which I can describe it. I don't fit in here... I don't fit in anywhere. I am currently torn between two very polar opposite thoughts. I want to crawl up under several blankets and sob until my eyes are swollen from the salty tears, and my throat becomes raw from gasping for air. I want to lay in bed forever, I want to deny myse...

The staying heart, the dizzy brain.

August 17, 2014

I've been rambling about random things lately, so I've decided to do a more honest entry, and give you all an update on what's been going on in my life. I almost feel like deleting some of my posts... the ones from the past, where I was suckered into honestly believing that my abusive ex was my prince charming, but then I remind myself... There are almost 4 thousand of you reading this, and some of you go back to the beginning, you wouldn't understand me if it weren't for reading that, and a lot of you relate to that state I was in. So, please just note that I am a different person now, that I am not vulnerable nor am I naive. Thank you.