lots of rambles and rantings, poetry and everything in between.
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Hey guys! So I'm trying my best to keep blogging via the Blogger app, but it won't let me publish anything!!! I'll try my best to be back on here asap xoxo-TORH
Love is making me crazy.. this "breakup" is making me insane... I am at a crossroads. Lately, it feels as if I'm love/hate itself, I don't portray the actions, I AM the actions. I am hate.. I am rage, anger, bitterness. venom for words, spitting on the cold hard truths, just to bear pain on those who listen. I am love. I am kindness,warmth,laughter,joy,care. Sweet melodies for words, sugary syrup dripping from my mouth as I promise sweetness to those who listen. I can't be the hero AND the villain. But most days, it feels as if I am. I'm kind, giving, generous... Then I try to protect myself, and become evil and vindictive and conniving. I think my self defense mechanisms are acting up. A few of the rotors are jammed. I am trying so hard to heal from a broken relationship, but I keep chasing after it. Like a junkie, trying to scrape that last pill out of the bottle, only to watch it fall down the drainpipe... grasping,clawing,begging for it. H...
"This is Ground Control to Major Tom You've really made the grade And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare" I feel that there is going to be a major communication error about to take place very, very soon. You see, progress is finally being made after several years of feeling abandoned and stuck in one place. We've finally got movement and contact, I am no longer drifting in space entirely alone. Something is out there and it wants to help. "for here, am I sitting in a tin can, far above the world. Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do." The communication error would be that I simply do not know how to translate without the means of poetry or my bizarre metaphors, and perhaps I should try, but maybe not here? Maybe somewhere... fresh. A new ground if I may. See, I have to somehow put into simple words how my mind is uniquely wired and how I am tormented by the operating system...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlDv44SeKBY I love that song, despite how depressing it truly is... But it got stuck in my head, and so I decided to title this post after it. See, it's almost something I can relate to.. See, I am very sensitive... I can't listen to slipknot's "snuff" without sobbing... I have a VERY, VERY vivid memory of things, and when I flashback to a memory, it tends to stick with me. It's like I can LIVE in that moment... Like when I wrote about living in Jones Lake in the winter of 2012 ( back in N.B) I could close my eyes for a moment and FEEL the cold chill, the moisture of the damp snow touching my face, the empty feeling the darkness would bring, I could remember seeing my breath form a fog from the chill of the air, the stars seemed so far away that it was as if they were only a figment of my imagination. I could smell the scent that only that polluted lake would give, I could hear the cars driving by, and the sleepy feeling that t...
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