lots of rambles and rantings, poetry and everything in between.
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Hey guys! So I'm trying my best to keep blogging via the Blogger app, but it won't let me publish anything!!! I'll try my best to be back on here asap xoxo-TORH
Love is making me crazy.. this "breakup" is making me insane... I am at a crossroads. Lately, it feels as if I'm love/hate itself, I don't portray the actions, I AM the actions. I am hate.. I am rage, anger, bitterness. venom for words, spitting on the cold hard truths, just to bear pain on those who listen. I am love. I am kindness,warmth,laughter,joy,care. Sweet melodies for words, sugary syrup dripping from my mouth as I promise sweetness to those who listen. I can't be the hero AND the villain. But most days, it feels as if I am. I'm kind, giving, generous... Then I try to protect myself, and become evil and vindictive and conniving. I think my self defense mechanisms are acting up. A few of the rotors are jammed. I am trying so hard to heal from a broken relationship, but I keep chasing after it. Like a junkie, trying to scrape that last pill out of the bottle, only to watch it fall down the drainpipe... grasping,clawing,begging for it. H...
"This is Ground Control to Major Tom You've really made the grade And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare" I feel that there is going to be a major communication error about to take place very, very soon. You see, progress is finally being made after several years of feeling abandoned and stuck in one place. We've finally got movement and contact, I am no longer drifting in space entirely alone. Something is out there and it wants to help. "for here, am I sitting in a tin can, far above the world. Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do." The communication error would be that I simply do not know how to translate without the means of poetry or my bizarre metaphors, and perhaps I should try, but maybe not here? Maybe somewhere... fresh. A new ground if I may. See, I have to somehow put into simple words how my mind is uniquely wired and how I am tormented by the operating system...
He's like the Devil, but with so much more temptation and charm. He's played this game for far too long and if you accept the challenge, you will surely be his prisoner. There is no winning, because this is his game, and he makes his own rules. He disappears for weeks at a time, not always answering your messages, and when he does there is irritation in every single letter, He sends a teasy message of "The things I'd do to you ;)" And sometimes when you're really lucky, he'll tell you exactly what those things are. Here's the kicker : weeks go by with many failed plans of meeting up, hanging out. You message him, he says he might come visit, so you doll up to the 9's and put on your best trashy lingerie under a beautifully pieced outfit, only to wait until 4am to finally see a quick "I'm sorry. I passed out. Long day, maybe tomorrow...." from him. This has been the case for me, for 4 long, torturous months. Women in this day and ag...
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