“I am Jack's complete lack of surprise. I am Jack's Broken Heart.”



Love is making me crazy.. this "breakup" is making me insane... I am at a crossroads.

Lately, it feels as if I'm love/hate itself, I don't portray the actions, I AM the actions.

I am hate.. I am rage, anger, bitterness. venom for words, spitting on the cold hard truths, just to bear pain on those who listen.

I am love. I am kindness,warmth,laughter,joy,care. Sweet melodies for words, sugary syrup dripping from my mouth as I promise sweetness to those who listen.

I can't be the hero AND the villain. But most days, it feels as if I am. I'm kind, giving, generous... Then I try to protect myself, and become evil and vindictive and conniving.

I think my self defense mechanisms are acting up. A few of the rotors are jammed.
I am trying so hard to heal from a broken relationship, but I keep chasing after it.
Like a junkie, trying to scrape that last pill out of the bottle, only to watch it fall down the drainpipe... grasping,clawing,begging for it. He's my drug. I'm addicted to him.
A day without him and I feel the difference, I feel the withdraw, the pain, the aches, the anxiety, the restlessness. When he's here, with me... I can't wait... I have to wrap my arms around him, kiss him, consume every morsel that is my love. I need to feel surrounded by nothing but him, I need to drink him in, like I am full of his attention,love,passion. I can't live without it.

Before I really got to know him, when I thought it was peaches and cream, I thought he was a sweetheart. Now, I see the darker side of things, the piss and vinegar, the monster.
But, I'm in love with the monster in my closet. The drug that slowly decays my pulsing heart.
He's poisoning me, rotting me from the inside out until it feels that there is nothing left of me , but oh... how I want to give it all to him.
I want to surrender... I feel like I need to overdose on the essence that was our love.

I don't care if he destroys me... I need him...

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