The Original Runaway Heart

Two kids, both in custody, living with other family members. A sever mental disorder. No hydro (electricity) at home No food. No job, only welfare. That should just about sum up my life right now. I have not even bothered making contact with my family to see either of my children, because right now I am a bundle of stress, I am a ticking time bomb. I could cry at the drop of a pin right now, that's how stressed out I am. My anxiety has spiked so high that I have resorted to pulling at my own hair. My depression has kicked in, and I want nothing more than to sleep the day away. Sobbing. My loneliness and desperation are disgusting me, I loath myself for not wanting to be alone. I have become every thing that I hate. That mother who gave up her kids for adoption without really trying to sort her life out. That welfare bum who goes around asking for handouts, asking for smokes and coffee. The depressed and moody woman who sits in the corner sulking. The drama-fueled parasite that moo...

" In the darkness, you must find the light within yourself " I say this literally, because for the past month I have quite literally been living in total darkness. First, my electric company wanted a payment of $290, which is doable, considering that after my rent is paid (it comes directly out of my account every month and into the property management account) I have $280 to deal with. So, I would only need to borrow $10, and I would have my power back on. Now , however : the power company is requesting $340! I do not have that kind of money, at all. Perhaps it is time for me to apply for a job and get off my depressed and lazy ass. My depression has hit a hard note, and I often find myself sobbing for no reason, and every reason all at once. I have been either sleeping constantly, for 14 hours straight, or not sleeping at all... laying awake in my bed, surrounded by lit candles, anxious and afraid. The paranoia seeps in, the insecurities begin to bite at me, slowly eating ...