Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde



Nothing makes sense today...
I want to be sweet and playful and inspired... And I'm not.
I want to be Deven today, Instead I feel like I'm closer to being Eve.
You should know who that is if you've read my previous entries.
Having BPD doesn't mean that I have a split personality... I have many different personality traits, I guess you could say.
But all that dark, hateful, twisted and foul stuff that comes out of me.... well, I never used to be that person. Most days, I'm not that person. But today... oh ho.... Today I am that hateful little cunt that I despise. Today, I am 90% Eve, 10% Deven. Isn't that fun?
We're going to have an interesting day darlings.
I shouldn't be focused on that pathetic little excuse for a man.

But I am, and not in the playful little smitten way I usually am. No, today I want to throw a handful of glitter at him with a permanent, hateful glare glued to my face.
I am out to humiliate that little shit.

I am on the verge of breaking again, and this time not in tears. I am very close to snapping and having a full-blown screaming fit in public if I see that stupid man-child.

He isn't even attractive! He has this "derp" look glued to his face, as if he's constantly trying to think with his minuscule brain and is failing miserably. It wouldn't surprise me.
Only stupid people say things like " act dumb, so that no one knows how smart you really are. Don't let anyone know your true intelligence. " ummm.... Why the fuck should you HIDE your intelligence? So you can be treated like a moron?
No thank you, I tried that before and people honestly thought I practiced and recited Theoretical Physics for months before I could jump into a random conversation about it. People honestly assume that I am stupid, because I acted as if I was for so long.

I'm ranting, I apologize.

I am having a bad day, and so I need to find a way to express my anger in a healthy matter.
Thing is, I know how to do that now. I can be Eve and still behave myself, in a sense.
Oh, trust me honey... I WILL make snappy, bitchy remarks, or ignore anyone who's currently pissing me off.... But I'm not going to do anything overly stupid.

- Rant done.

Thanks for reading. 

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