Phoenix take flight

I am not overly fond of how things are going in my life right now...
You see, I have lost my nerve.
My confidence is lacking, my self-esteem is shot to hell.

In the dead hours of the night, I decided to go for a walk and meet up with a friend...
"Whom?" you ask, well... the Devil, of course.
Sly looks, witty comments, and little hints of seduction, yet I sat there, tamed.
I got shy! Yes, ME!

I am not complaining, For I am simply stating that I have made a new discovery, that is all. Perhaps a friendship is all that is needed.
He told a mutual friend that I stand absolutely no chance, and when I confronted him on it, he said that his words got twisted. Funny, because I'm pretty DAMNED sure he said something ugly about me. I am not someone to be embarrassed by! There is nothing wrong with enjoying being in my company and hearing me yack away!

I am done with head games, I am done with cat and mouse.
It's not that I'm backing away to give him breathing room, in hopes he'll pursue me.
No, I am backing off because I want nothing to do with the headache that he is causing me.

I don't want to hear negative from friends, and warnings not to chase him.
Time to retire my tail and horns, and put a halo on. Time for me to behave and just embrace solitary life.

After all, if I can't enjoy my own company... who can?

It's like my friend says " You can't pour from an empty cup." And that's true.
I have nothing to offer, I need to work on myself and embrace being alone.
For so long, I was terrified of being alone, because I thought it meant no one cares about me, and I had long ago forgotten how to take care of myself. Now, I'm realizing that being alone IS hard but only because there is the temptation to no longer be lonely.
The pathetic low-lives will prey on the weak. I do not want to be seen as weak anymore.

Time to make myself busy, embrace my half-shaven head ( I have a side-shave!) and grow my confidence back up. Time to start job hunting, and make myself a routine, and follow it.

Know what I'm beginning to realize? Relationships are SO overrated!
I am going to just go with the flow, take the signs fate has given me and follow them from now on.

Time to embrace the flame, and not fight it. Time to spread my wings and rise from the ashes of my former self. Time for the Phoenix to take flight.

Xoxo, The Original Runaway Heart
- Dev

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