It was written for you...

"Who was that written for?"
"Doesn't matter. The poems won't change anything."

My Dearest, Please think of this as an open letter. Despite that I strongly want to tell you all of this directly, I can't bring myself to do so. I wanted to last night, when you were right across from me... Yet I became a coward. You asked me what was on my mind... I was mentally writing this.

I wanted to tell you so badly.... I wanted to write something poetic and moving. I wanted to give you all of my love on paper, thousands of words, each of them holding meaning... Instead, I write something with half effort, the words not coming out right.
I feel like such a fool for revisiting those feelings, I should have left them be as they were.
There is a beautiful thing happening between us, and I am selfish for my willingness to sacrifice it.
I know you're battling yourself, and I understand. I am battling myself too.
You'll never feel the same for me, but you aren't even trying to see how that would be.
I'm a wreck, a mess... a disaster... I'm a piece of work, but I promise you that I will only build myself back up, and I'll never allow my inner monsters to harm you. You fight yourself, wanting me and not wanting me, all at the same time. Is it lust, or is there more behind it?

It's your lips I've been staring at, your voice I've memorized, your smile that's etched into my dreams.
It's you I long for. It's always been you. And if I've ever hurt you or given you reason to doubt me, I am sorry. If this embarrasses you, I apologize. I needed to do this. I needed to get this out. I was distracted so badly before because I couldn't stop fighting myself. I wanted to tell you I still love you, but I didn't know how. That memory that I spoke of in the poem? That was from the night of the party you invited me to. And yes, I mumbled " I love you", but you were already asleep. 

We've never been properly introduced. We've never met romantically. You don't know the loving side of me. You said you don't want to compromise our companionship... but what if it doesn't compromise it? We've been through so much already, and we're still friends, our foundation remains strong.

If nothing ever comes of this, I completely understand and accept that.
I just couldn't face not knowing, and not knowing what you'd say once I told you.
It's you, it's always been you. The thing I was asking for help with earlier? I don't need help anymore. I know what to do, And this is me doing it.

I'm still in love with you, and this time you can be certain I'm talking about you.