The Original Runaway Heart

"I can't feel the way I did before.  Don't turn your back on me,  I won't be ignored.  Time won't heal this damage anymore.   Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored." I feel trapped. I feel like I am suffocating under the pressure to be a person who no longer exists. I want so badly to be here, to be mentally present and I can't... does that make me a failure? I want to scream at the top of my lungs until my throat bleeds, I want to rip my hair out until my scalp is bare. I want to cry until it hurts to breathe, because right now I can't function. My anxiety has spiked. I feel like I am drowning, and no one even cares. I am reaching out for help, begging for someone to notice, to save me... and not a single person cares. I say I'm homesick, what I mean is " I can't do this anymore. This person isn't me, and that's what's being expected of me right now... something that doesn't exist.

What happens when you take a writer who's so used to a small town and put her back into a metropolis city? well, she writes of course! And goodness me! There are so many things to write about, it's hard to know where to start! Yes, I am in Vancouver, yes that really is the beautiful Vancouver skyline at night. This is a place of magic. Before I start rambling on about being in the big busy city, I should probably write a bit about the things that have been going on in my life up to this point from my last, otherwise it really wouldn't be doing this blog any justice whatsoever. I had my heart broken and shattered into a million pieces just short of a year ago ( my last relationship) and I take a lot of responsibility for that. I fell too quickly and didn't take the time to truly see anything beneath the surface of the rugged man that I thought would give me comfort, whom I could use selfishly as my own security. I pushed, I shoved, I tormented him as well as myself,