Stamp : Borderline
There's a lot of things that Doctors and mental health care professionals won't tell you about Borderline Personality Disoder...
There's a lot of stigma, and a lot of stereotype, as well as horrible, heartbreaking amount of ignorance.
I can't speak for everyone, but I will speak for myself, from my experiences with this misunderstood mental illness.
SO many people assume that BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) is the band-aid diagnosis, that if a Psychiatrist runs a series of evaluations, and can't come to a full diagnosis of a clearly mentally ill patient, they'll just slap the good ol' BPD label on their chart.
In my experience, that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I knew something was... unique about me, even in my youth. I knew that I reacted to stress faster, and more intense than my peers, I felt emotions on such an intense high, or I went so numb that I felt nothing at all. I was different, out of place... I felt so alien.
I had been in and out of various types of therapy and counseling since I was 12 years old, by the time I had turned 15 and started self-harming, showing signs of impulsive, manipulative and selfish behaviour, I had heard the term "Borderline" from a close friend... I didn't know what BPD was entirely, but The idea of a personality disorder scared me.
Did this mean that I was two different people? Did this mean that I had multiple personalities I couldn't control? What was wrong with me that made people suggest I was more mentally ill than just PTSD, depression and anxiety? What more could possibly be wrong with me?
I had asked my counselor if she thought I had BPD, she completely disregarded my concerns and told me that the important part was to work past my trauma, and I understand her reasoning for that... If I didn't heal fro my trauma and cope in a healthy way, I could very much have BPD, and she didn't want to explore that possibility just yet.
I had a new counselor when I was 20, I asked him if he thought I might posess traits of this ever elusive personality disorder that no one wants to talk to me about... He wasn't certified to give me a diagnosis, as it was beyond his teachings, but he had nodded in a sad, defeated way when I asked him if it seemed a likely diagnosis for me.
I still knew nothing about this disorder, I didn't want to know anything about it... I didn't want to feel trapped, hopeless. If my mental health providers didn't want to discuss it, I didn't want to imagine what would happen if I had the diagnosis and tried to get support from my peers.
When I was 23 I had a severe mental breakdown... I had manic episodes, moments of blurriness where everything was a foggy haze, days blended in with each other, weeks went by and suddenly I'd lose track of time, I felt like I was functioning on auto-pilot, answering people apropriately, without really thinking about anything I was doing or saying. I had rage episodes and I'd throw tantrums like a child over the most trivial things, in those moments everything felt justified.... but looking back 3 years later, I'm mortified and humiliated and ashamed of myself.
I got a new counselor, and he IMMEDIATLY asked me if I had heard about BPD before, I said yes, and that I didn't do much reading on the topic, that I had asked my mental health workers in the past if there was a possibility of me having this disorder... my counselor gave a sad nod, and told me that the reasoning for this is : it's harder to treat. I was eventually diagnosed by a psyciatrist, and when the evaluation was done, I had asked if there was anything I should be concerned about on my chart, or in his notes... he said "no, it just appears you have high functing, general anxiety", he lied to me. He didn't disclose that I have BPD until after the diagnosis papers went to my counselor and my social worker FIRST, before I even had teh chance to find out, because they needed to be sure I was in a safe place (my counselors office) so that I could understand what this means, what it means to live with a personality disorder. I remember that appointment, I sat in the chair and I sobbed for a solid ten minutes before even uttering a word.... I'll never forget that day, it felt like I was being given a death sentence, like I was being stamped with "VOID" across my forehead. My counselor told me that I could qualify for Disability Income Assistance... until proper treatment, I might struggle to be a functioning member of society... BPD IS NOT a happy little label that gets slapped on just anyone, BPD is a terrifying mental illness, but there's specific therapy and rehabilitation required to live a relatively normal and healthy life with BPD, there isn't any specific medication that can be prescribed to help balance BPD, and often times Doctors are reluctant to prescribe anything, because the medication could be addictive, and BPD people can be impulsive, reckless and suicidal. It's scary, Doctors don't want to jump to that conclusion, so no... it's not a band-aid or blanket diagnosis that everyone gets.
If you or someone you know has been diagnosed, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world, and it doesn't mean they've been misdiagnosed. You can get a second, third, fourth opinion if you really want to. The truth is, most Doctors want to rule out any other disorder first, because BPD in my experience is sort of like a cluster of multiple traits and symptoms of other disorders. BPD is often difficult to diagnose, it doesn't mean that the Doctor's have given up and decided " I don't know what's wrong, so they must be BPD..." that is sooooooo far from the truth!
There's CBT, DBT, Psychotherapy and many, many more types of coping and healing processes that you can go through! If you have a loved one who is BPD : I beg this of you... please, talk to them, support them through their recovery, hold them. Tell them how loved they are, tell them they are strong, that you are proud of them for the battles they face every single day.
Most importantly : Be patient. Not everyone is ready to dive head first into recovery, some of us take baby steps, and some (like myself) are frozen, still processing and adjusting to living life with a mental illness.
BPD IS NOT a "one size fits all" diagnosis, it's not a quick answer when mental health care professionals are fed up or frustrated with their patient. Borderline Personality Disorder is a very serious diagnosis, and it successfully takes the life of every 1 in 10 with the diagnosis.
Reach out, offer support, kindness, compassion and patience to those who are struggling with a mental illness. And one more thing, if you aren't sure about something in regards to mental illness, don't be scared to ask someone who's been there.
- all the love in the world, Dev.
<3
There's a lot of stigma, and a lot of stereotype, as well as horrible, heartbreaking amount of ignorance.
I can't speak for everyone, but I will speak for myself, from my experiences with this misunderstood mental illness.
SO many people assume that BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) is the band-aid diagnosis, that if a Psychiatrist runs a series of evaluations, and can't come to a full diagnosis of a clearly mentally ill patient, they'll just slap the good ol' BPD label on their chart.
In my experience, that couldn't be farther from the truth.
I knew something was... unique about me, even in my youth. I knew that I reacted to stress faster, and more intense than my peers, I felt emotions on such an intense high, or I went so numb that I felt nothing at all. I was different, out of place... I felt so alien.
I had been in and out of various types of therapy and counseling since I was 12 years old, by the time I had turned 15 and started self-harming, showing signs of impulsive, manipulative and selfish behaviour, I had heard the term "Borderline" from a close friend... I didn't know what BPD was entirely, but The idea of a personality disorder scared me.
Did this mean that I was two different people? Did this mean that I had multiple personalities I couldn't control? What was wrong with me that made people suggest I was more mentally ill than just PTSD, depression and anxiety? What more could possibly be wrong with me?
I had asked my counselor if she thought I had BPD, she completely disregarded my concerns and told me that the important part was to work past my trauma, and I understand her reasoning for that... If I didn't heal fro my trauma and cope in a healthy way, I could very much have BPD, and she didn't want to explore that possibility just yet.
I had a new counselor when I was 20, I asked him if he thought I might posess traits of this ever elusive personality disorder that no one wants to talk to me about... He wasn't certified to give me a diagnosis, as it was beyond his teachings, but he had nodded in a sad, defeated way when I asked him if it seemed a likely diagnosis for me.
I still knew nothing about this disorder, I didn't want to know anything about it... I didn't want to feel trapped, hopeless. If my mental health providers didn't want to discuss it, I didn't want to imagine what would happen if I had the diagnosis and tried to get support from my peers.
When I was 23 I had a severe mental breakdown... I had manic episodes, moments of blurriness where everything was a foggy haze, days blended in with each other, weeks went by and suddenly I'd lose track of time, I felt like I was functioning on auto-pilot, answering people apropriately, without really thinking about anything I was doing or saying. I had rage episodes and I'd throw tantrums like a child over the most trivial things, in those moments everything felt justified.... but looking back 3 years later, I'm mortified and humiliated and ashamed of myself.
I got a new counselor, and he IMMEDIATLY asked me if I had heard about BPD before, I said yes, and that I didn't do much reading on the topic, that I had asked my mental health workers in the past if there was a possibility of me having this disorder... my counselor gave a sad nod, and told me that the reasoning for this is : it's harder to treat. I was eventually diagnosed by a psyciatrist, and when the evaluation was done, I had asked if there was anything I should be concerned about on my chart, or in his notes... he said "no, it just appears you have high functing, general anxiety", he lied to me. He didn't disclose that I have BPD until after the diagnosis papers went to my counselor and my social worker FIRST, before I even had teh chance to find out, because they needed to be sure I was in a safe place (my counselors office) so that I could understand what this means, what it means to live with a personality disorder. I remember that appointment, I sat in the chair and I sobbed for a solid ten minutes before even uttering a word.... I'll never forget that day, it felt like I was being given a death sentence, like I was being stamped with "VOID" across my forehead. My counselor told me that I could qualify for Disability Income Assistance... until proper treatment, I might struggle to be a functioning member of society... BPD IS NOT a happy little label that gets slapped on just anyone, BPD is a terrifying mental illness, but there's specific therapy and rehabilitation required to live a relatively normal and healthy life with BPD, there isn't any specific medication that can be prescribed to help balance BPD, and often times Doctors are reluctant to prescribe anything, because the medication could be addictive, and BPD people can be impulsive, reckless and suicidal. It's scary, Doctors don't want to jump to that conclusion, so no... it's not a band-aid or blanket diagnosis that everyone gets.
If you or someone you know has been diagnosed, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world, and it doesn't mean they've been misdiagnosed. You can get a second, third, fourth opinion if you really want to. The truth is, most Doctors want to rule out any other disorder first, because BPD in my experience is sort of like a cluster of multiple traits and symptoms of other disorders. BPD is often difficult to diagnose, it doesn't mean that the Doctor's have given up and decided " I don't know what's wrong, so they must be BPD..." that is sooooooo far from the truth!
There's CBT, DBT, Psychotherapy and many, many more types of coping and healing processes that you can go through! If you have a loved one who is BPD : I beg this of you... please, talk to them, support them through their recovery, hold them. Tell them how loved they are, tell them they are strong, that you are proud of them for the battles they face every single day.
Most importantly : Be patient. Not everyone is ready to dive head first into recovery, some of us take baby steps, and some (like myself) are frozen, still processing and adjusting to living life with a mental illness.
BPD IS NOT a "one size fits all" diagnosis, it's not a quick answer when mental health care professionals are fed up or frustrated with their patient. Borderline Personality Disorder is a very serious diagnosis, and it successfully takes the life of every 1 in 10 with the diagnosis.
Reach out, offer support, kindness, compassion and patience to those who are struggling with a mental illness. And one more thing, if you aren't sure about something in regards to mental illness, don't be scared to ask someone who's been there.
- all the love in the world, Dev.
<3
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