The Original Runaway Heart

I am restless. I am panicked, and anxious. I await your messages, your voice clips, a call... I said I wouldn't be clingy, but I am. I've already become co-dependant, and I haven't even officially met you yet. A million frantic, panicked thoughts rush through my head, keeping me awake. Active 14 hours ago. Where are you? I cried myself to sleep last night, angry at the situation. I'm not seeing you today, we have to wait only a few more, and then we can spend a week together... We can be happy together. I am gasping for air, the thoughts don't want to shut up and they're going... going... going... faster and faster and faster, and they just don't want to shut up. They don't want to stop. Oh, god... make this stop. What if he abandons me? What if I don't hear from him today? What if he slowly stops coming online, stops calling, stops texting me? What if I'm desperately clinging to Monday like a life raft, only for it to float on ...

Vast darkness, looming coldness... I was suffocating. The weight of a thousand lifetimes, a million regrets, pressed down on my shoulders, I couldn't stand. There were times when it felt as if I was all alone in the universe, beside myself in my darkness, in my misery. It felt like my anxiety was a hot, blazing sun... and the world was spinning faster and faster, threatening to throw me off the axis, heading for the fiery inferno.... I felt helpless, trapped. I felt as if time was dragging on, yet life was passing me by. I wasted hours, days, weeks, months.... I wasted so much of my life, because I had believed I was destined to suffer. I'm awake now.... my eyes are opened, the cool chill stings my face, but it doesn't swallow me. I can breathe  I open my eyes, and though the edges are blurred, out of focus, I see that it isn't dark.... there's color.... so much color that I want to cry out in wonder. How did I not see this before? I'm standing, a l...