Belated Epiphany

So, I wrote a note to myself last night... and though I do not currently have that note with me, I can tell you the gist of it. I want to share this because it is important. 

I have come to the conclusion of something that I honestly should've come to years ago.
Belated epiphany I suppose. Or something of that nature.
I have finally come to the conclusion that I do not need the Devil. I do not need anyone who is going to willingly waste my time with childish games. I am not playing cat and mouse with anyone, because when I really think about it.... I want a job. I do not have time to maintain a relationship, and I suppose now is the time to be honest with myself : I want a relationship. Not one of those "see what happens" relationships, I don't want to date simply for fun. I want to find someone who will make my heart stay. Who will end the days of running away. The "Devil" I wrote about before? He's unreliable, emotionless, insensitive, and doesn't come across as the type to be affectionate, supportive, loving. Why am I chasing him? For fun? I am worth much more than this! I am worth more than a late night booty call, I am worth flowers, love letters, long walks in the moonlight, coffee on the porch as the sun rises. I am worthy of that and more. I am worth more than a one-time fling with someone who honestly doesn't care about me. I am not a dime a dozen. I am unique in my own way, I am rare and I need to stop thinking of him as a knight in shining armor! He is replaceable, and I can find myself someone much more suiting.
I don't think it's wise for me to sit up at 3am waiting for him to not show up, as always.
I don't think it's wise for me to doll up and walk into town in hopes of randomly bumping into him. I don't think it's wise to hang around his friends and gossip. I don't think it's wise for me to hunt him down and try to persuade him to come and give me attention.
What was this game worth? a 5 minute hookup in the middle of the night? No, it wasn't worth it. And from now on, I should REALLY start treating him like he isn't worth it. Because in all honesty, I want to be wooed. I want to be won over. I want someone to act like an idiot, vying for my attention. Maybe that's asking a bit much... but what's wrong with courtship? Chivalry can't be dead. In this day and age it's all "Netflix and Chill".
I want old fashioned love letters, random deliveries of flowers, I want that beautiful 1960's romance. Not the kind in novels and movies, the kind that the elderly reminisce about.
The kind of romance that really did exist, that really DOES exist.
I must start to focus on myself, behave like I am a goddamn queen, minus flaunting it too much. I am aloud to be sassy and slightly ignorant. That is okay. I need to stop acting like people intimidate me! I need to be bold, and speak my mind!
Women shouldn't be all flustered and shy around men. Women shouldn't feel intimidated when they speak to men, they shouldn't be scared of saying the wrong thing or scaring him away. Why? Because if that idiot goes running for the hills : he isn't the one.
Don't chase him as he's running.
It's honestly that simple. And from now on, I am not going to chase after anyone. The only thing I should be chasing after is my dreams, my goals, my ambitions, my future.
A future for myself, built by myself. I don't need to worry about some wonderful Prince Charming, because he doesn't exist. I will find someone who is less than perfect, and we will build ourselves when the time is right, and everything will be fine.
My tattoo says " Time Heals Everything " And I believe that with my very soul. Now, all I need is a little bit of time to do it's thing and it'll all work out.
My next tattoo? " This too shall pass." Because when you think about it : Nothing is forever. Things change, they adapt. Or you adapt. Pain, stress, heartache....  it doesn't last forever. You'll be fine.
And you'll be fine on your own too.