The Original Runaway Heart

It seems I've not written in quite some time. You see, a wind storm can strike at any moment and leave either twigs or torn up trees. It depends on the wind just as it depends in the tree. I am not a strong tree. I have strong roots, and it is promising that I will bloom again. Disaster can strike anywhere , and in my case it strikes with my heart. I am now 5 months pregnant, my 4 year old son has been in temporary custody of my aunt, however I am fighting to get him back. Fighting for my rights, for my children, for my heart. Sometimes it feels like I'm fighting for my sanity. But lo and behold; I am strong. I am rooted. I am still growing though I may only be a stump . My tree is strong . And it will take a strong , strong wind to knock me down . -Dev ( The runaway heart )

I know I haven't been saying much on here lately, and trust me... I do feel awful about it. so here it goes. I've been surrounding myself with work, and by work I mean that I've basically been sucking up to my boss because apparently if one little thing goes wrong, I face being fired. ( yay... not) I've been trying to distract myself as much as possible because I've left a complicated relationship, yet again. This was a while back but like I said, I haven't had the chance to get on here lately. I made a close connection with a wonderful friend and I now have to say goodbye for an uncertain amount of time, as he is moving to a different province... and honestly, it has me torn. Who will I laugh with? Who will I talk to at 3am? Who is going for sit with me until the sun comes up watching Jurassic Park or Beavis and Butthead ? I feel like all great things in life are temporary at this moment in time. I must make myself happy somehow, and I'm not completely ce...

maybe this is what I'm good at... after all, it's what I'm known for, my runaway heart. That poor bastard could only anticipate what was about to happen, however he most likely never saw it coming. I am not  relationship material, not right now and not any time soon. It all started when I met someone by happy coincidence, whom I ended up having to spend a lot of time around. Let's just say that I started taking a liking to this other person, while I happened to be in a relationship. I decided to end the relationship just so that I could freely express my thoughts to this new guy without having the weight of a guilty conscience. It turned into something more than just "expressing my thoughts" ; it turned into a contract. Now, this leaves me confused and uncertain as to where I stand right now, but it was an eye opener. I've gained new experiences and I've learned some new things that I wouldn't know, had I been of stronger will. I noticed something...

I've been rambling about random things lately, so I've decided to do a more honest entry, and give you all an update on what's been going on in my life. I almost feel like deleting some of my posts... the ones from the past, where I was suckered into honestly believing that my abusive ex was my prince charming, but then I remind myself... There are almost 4 thousand of you reading this, and some of you go back to the beginning, you wouldn't understand me if it weren't for reading that, and a lot of you relate to that state I was in. So, please just note that I am a different person now, that I am not vulnerable nor am I naive. Thank you.

" the problem with peace isn't that humanity has failed to come to it, it's that we as individuals have failed to come to peace with ourselves" - Deven Melanson-MacDonald (me)

In the end, the only one fighting is you... There is no one else... you are alone in your army of invisible soldiers. No one else wants to fight your battles.