The Original Runaway Heart

I'm discovering something... That the world is full of darkness. You can open your eyes wide, and take a good look around, but there's a chance you won't see it. Here's the issue with humanity, we are harsh. People adapt under severe circumstances, but can we really change at will? I used to think so. I used to think that all it takes is the realization you are not a good person, and the will to become a good person... But oh, it takes so much more than that. It feels as though monsters walk among us. No, not demons or beasts or evil spirits, or even evil darkness possessing people. Don't let these people make any fucking excuses! There are people out there in the world who are truly corrupt and sadistic, selfish, manipulative and cunning. They lie. They say they are good people, with good intentions. They claim to be loving, that they are accepting and loving. If you are any of these good, wholesome things... why would you feel the need to reassure anyone that y

What's the point of having one, when it only causes pain? So this is the sting of rejection. Again, and again. Should I just rip my heart out of my chest and give it to you? Watch you stomp it to mush and set it on fire until there's nothing left? That's how rejection feels. It is humiliating, to spill your heart out only to watch the other person step aside, allowing everything to just fall to the floor and crumble. Should my heart run away? I can't guard it any longer, I can't stop getting hurt. It feels as though REAL love doesn't exist. Pick someone you can tolerate and call it a day. There is no such thing as devotion, of love. Words for a fucking harlequin romance and nothing more. Sure, you might actually FEEL the emotions that are known to man as "love", but other people? Heh...They don't feel the same. It isn't returned. Good luck finding a perfect match. You might find someone you think is perfect, but they aren't and neither a

"Who was that written for?" "Doesn't matter. The poems won't change anything." My Dearest, Please think of this as an open letter. Despite that I strongly want to tell you all of this directly, I can't bring myself to do so. I wanted to last night, when you were right across from me... Yet I became a coward. You asked me what was on my mind... I was mentally writing this. I wanted to tell you so badly.... I wanted to write something poetic and moving. I wanted to give you all of my love on paper, thousands of words, each of them holding meaning... Instead, I write something with half effort, the words not coming out right. I feel like such a fool for revisiting those feelings, I should have left them be as they were. There is a beautiful thing happening between us, and I am selfish for my willingness to sacrifice it. I know you're battling yourself, and I understand. I am battling myself too. You'll never feel the same for me, b

"All of these words whispered in my ear Tell a story that I cannot bear to hear Just 'cause I said it, it don't mean that I meant it People say crazy things Just 'cause I said it, don't mean that I meant it Just 'cause you heard it." - Adele I'm noticing a lot lately, that people seem to like talking about someone, but they hardly ever like to talk to that someone. If you have an issue with someone, isn't it easier to approach that person regarding the issue? You would think, right? Well, lately in my life it seems I have become unapproachable when it comes to addressing me directly on these "issues" people seem to be having. But that's just it! There are really no issues. See, people... well, horrible people... like to talk about others when they are feeling particularly jealous, or I suppose when those people are pretentious by nature. It isn't easy detecting these types of people in your life, because they are very convin

"If one lets fear or hate or anger take possession of the mind,they become self-forged chains." - Helen Gahagan I wake up, my eyes open and my mind takes effort to click on. My thoughts begin to stir, and suddenly I feel the chaos again. I should choose to eat, and I say "choose", because well, I don't HAVE to take care of myself if I don't want to. Do I want to take care of myself today? I want to lay in bed and fall back asleep, surrendering to the comfort and safety of my dreams. Nothing can hurt me when I'm fast asleep, the world doesn't matter in those small, peaceful moments. I should get up, get dressed and go take a piss. My bladder is now screaming at me. I stand up, turn on the light and my thoughts begin to shout back and fourth, arguing and giving me a headache. I want peace and quiet today, I want to be alone. I want to clean the house, take a shower, play some video games and do my own thing. I need to be alone with my thoughts

"Look with your heart, and not with your eyes. " - Erik (Phantom of the Opera) They say he was a dangerous being, toxic, harmful... some even say he was poisonous. Yet, she gazed her eyes upon him and looked into his soul, and there was a glimmer of human in those eyes. There was something whole and pure behind the mask he wore, Something charming... and when he spoke to me that very first time, there was a whisper behind those words, something playful and inviting. She took a step towards him, with her arms wide open. And though he turned his back to her, She never left. She stayed in hopes of getting to know this thing that everyone called a monster. She didn't see a monster, no. She saw a tarnished, broken human. She saw that within him, because she was broken too. They let their guards down, the mask shattered as he held her in his arms for the first time and she whispered words of love. Did she tame him, or did he tame her? The thing that is upsetting about

                               You dared to defy me, and now you must endure my wrath. So much pain that I have endured... And it's funny, isn't it? I should know better by now. I should be protecting myself, fearing people and the world they live in, if you truly knew my story : You'd assume such. Here's the strange thing about me, well... one of many strange things about me. I love the world. I love everyone in it, no matter what pain and chaotic destruction they have done. I am the type of person to be mesmerized by the beauty of such things that only exist to cause pain. I will naively put my hand in the fire, knowing it will burn me. You can warn me, but I need to experience the pain myself so that I might learn from it. That handsome Devil I spoke of in earlier rantings? Well, here's a twist.... I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM!. I know, I should be ashamed of myself for foolishly letting myself get that far, but I'm not. I am proud of myself for being abl